Letting go

Yesterday started off great, until I got some news that threw me off track part way through the day.
As some of you know, I went to court for stuff that happened when I was younger this past year.
He was found guilty, but appealed it, so we are still waiting for sentencing which is now apparently not happening until April 17th 2012. He has been out free, even though he was found guilty.. until the sentencing date. But from what I was told he had to stay in the town he was living in.
Well yesterday I found out that his lawyer brought forward an appeal this week to a condition change.
Our side tried to fight it obviously, but the judge decided it was ok. He is allowed  to move to Edmonton...
I live just outside of Edmonton, one of the other girls involved lives on the other side of Edmonton.
How the fuck, does the court allow him to move here!?
Not only does he get to have a year of freedom before sentencing. but now he can just move where  ever the hell he feels? Apparently he is moving for a job opportunity.. and to be closer to his lawyer.
If I didn't feel stressed and worried enough already just because we brought forward what he did and probably pissed him off. Im like 12871528358x more worried now.
I have kids, and this man is going to live near us, near my friends and their kids. And what if I see him, what if I run into him at some point. Then what!?
My first thought after hearing this was that I have to move. Leave town.
What a way to live..
Not only does his actions from the past affect my life, and have for my whole life. but now I have this added worry that he is near my children.
Thank GOD that I don't have girls, because he only did what he did to little girls. But if someone is screwed up enough that they can do this at all, Im sure they can be more screwed up than we know.

He could be here tomorrow, he could be here today for all I know.
yesterday Aiden was out playing with his friends and was late checking in.. I would worry anyways, but it was a lot worse for me now knowing who IS out there.
Of course there are sexual predators everywhere, and I am very good about teaching my kids to be aware of whats going on around them. But this one has a connection to me. And I'm sure I didn't make his life any easier after taking him to court and making this public knowledge.
I don't want to be worried all the time.
Part of me wants to show the kids his picture and let them know that he is a bad guy. But my son already has anxiety issues,  I can't do this to him. I want him to be extra careful but I can't tell him to be. It wouldn't be fair to him to have this extra worry also.
I kinda wish I never knew this news so I could feel the same way.

Anyways, I finally got to talk to Rob this morning. And he put my mind at ease a bit. I almost didn't want to tell him yesterday because he's so far away and can't be here with me to make me feel safe. And I know that thats hard for him, but I needed to talk to him about it.
So our talk this morning was better, he had time to process this and give me words of encouragement.
He made me realize that Randy is an old man now, he hurt little girls, not grown women or little boys.
And if he really wanted revenge or anything of the sort he could have easily come here before now and gotten it. If he  can make us leave town and move our lives around just because he exists then he wins.
And he doesn't get to win anymore.

Im going to use this to strengthen myself.
If I can overcome all that I have in my life, then I can overcome this, and weight loss.
I need to let go of my worry and the weight.
Maybe its all tied into each other.
I have to fix myself from the inside first in order to fix the outside, and I promise, this time Im doing it.
I always say "He didn't give me the chance to become who I could have become had he not done this to me" But Im not giving him that power anymore. He doesn't have the power to give me a choice. I do.
And I choose to be better than what he did to me.