slacker

Hello, my name is Ayla... and I am a blog slacker.

I want to blog, but since I have my husband home it's hard to actually sit down and write a blog.
He's playing WoW atm so I have some time lol.

I have been eating good.
I haven't been working out, but once Atreyu is asleep I will use my new elliptical.
I bought it last week and tried to put it together but I failed hardcore lol , had to wait for Rob to get home and figure out what I did wrong. He figured it out and it is now in my room set up properly  <3
Atreyu is in bed in my room tonight cause him and Aiden are not getting along today lol so I had to separate them for bedtime (they share a room).

I am going to see my friend Sabrina and her bb tomorrow :)
I feel like because I am going to Yellowknife for court on Sunday (which is right in the middle of my time with Rob) I don't have enough time for anything. But I really need some time with a good friend. I am seriously on the verge of a break down.
I would love to wake up and have court be done with.. but that's not going to happen, the whole waiting for it to happen is driving me fucking insane!!
I wrote a victim impact statement for when we had the prelim, but I feel like I have a lot more to add to it now. I just have the hardest time writing it out... Maybe I will just act as if I am writing a blog entry and see how that goes...
*big sigh*

One good thing is coming from me going to court though. I get to be there for my twin nieces 3rd b-day party.. I miss my family so much and I get to see everyone there, so I am trying to hold onto that.

AND I can't wait for it to be over with so I can stop flooding your blog dashboards with sad pathetic blog entries. I want to sit and write about other things, but I can't, its taking over my mind these days.
It will end... I hope.

Here we go again

Thank you everyone, for the support on my last post.
It really lifts my spirits to know people I don't even "know" want good things for me and believe in me :)
Yesterday was good, I ate much better!
But my WI was yesterday and I was up 3lbs :(
Holy shit.
But I will lose it again. No more gaining for this girl. I want to feel lighter again, and just from eating bad for the week and a half I feel like complete shit, headaches, lazy, mood swings. Its retarded that I put the junk into my body that I did.

My stress will be lifted a bit today, my husband comes home <3

One day at a time.
Today I will drink more water, and eat great.

One week

So I totally suck, I don't do official WI till tomorrow, but I am up this week :(
I have been horrible all week. I'm not gonna type out all the reasons WHY I have been horrible, they are all excuses. But it has not been worth it. And I am getting back on board today, I feel like I have said that everyday this week :(

I leave for court in one week....
I can't begin to tell you how stressed out and scared I am.
I thought I was doing good not thinking about it, but now I can NOT stop thinking about it.
Like right now, I feel like I could have a panic attack...
I'm scared.

le sigh

Trying to catch up on everyones blogs today.
Trying to stay on plan today.
Trying to stay happy today.
Will work out today.
Will clean the house today.

the end.

Tuesday March 8th

So I have been kinda in a slump this past week. My van broke down last Thursday, and I have had to drive the truck. Its scary to drive it cause its so big and I am not used to it and its standard... ugh.
But I have it if I need it, so that's good. Although I refuse to drive it to the gym right now.. I need to get more comfortable with it before I drive it into the city.
I have been really missing the gym though.
But I have been working out at home a bit (could do more I'm sure). I'm gonna go and buy an elliptical machine today. Canadian Tire is having a 50% sale so I need to get my butt in there and buy one before they are sold out.
I think I will be buying this one Click me. Atreyu has swimming today so I will go while he is there, and stop at the grocery store too.
My family sent me money for my b-day which was on Saturday. I thought about buying new clothes since I really do need some, but I hate the thought of spending money on clothes that are not gonna fit shortly. Especially with how much plus sized clothes cost!! I hate that.
So I think the elliptical is a great idea, especially since stuff keeps happening where I can't make it to the gym. And even for weeks where I do go to the gym for my 5 days I can only stay for an hour most days, and this way if I want to do more I can do it at home.

For my birthday my best friend Sheila, slept over. We had some drinks, girl talk, girly movie, I made dinner and she made me a cake <3.
 I did make her take half home the next day lol.. and then my kids helped with the other half for the next few nights.It was nice to have company on my birthday, especially since Rob is at work.

So Monday was WI day.. and I wasn't expecting much, especially since the week before I busted my ass and only lost 0.3 lbs. But I was down 1.3 lbs this week. I don't understand my body. I barely worked out this past week, and I know I ate some things I shouldn't have.. and I lost.

I really hope using the elliptical revs up my weight loss, cause this is getting really discouraging to be this big and put the effort in at the gym and still only lose about a pound a week. I know 1-2 lbs is the "healthy" way to do it.. and hell I would be happy if it was a steady 2lbs per week.. but at my weight I feel like it should be coming off easier. I feel like at this point I should be in a smaller size again, and have lost more inches.

Its easy to get discouraged, but I'm not gonna let it destroy what I am working towards. I feel healthier and happier and that's a HUGE part of this journey.
I can't wait for nice weather.. so I can get workout in that don't feel like workouts.

Stress with a little bit of crazy

So I was on my way home from the gym yesterday

needed to stop and get gas

and my van decided it was time to give me just ONE more thing to stress over..ughh.

I pumped my gas, then it wouldn't start.

/cry

I found a nice guy who helped me out, he didn't have jumper cables but he went and asked everyone there and even ran into the store and asked if anyone had any.. of course NO ONE did.

So he drove to his house to go get his in hopes that the boost would actually work.

Because from the noise it was making it sounds like my starter or alternator.. GREAT!

Anyways he tried to boost me and it took a while but finally it started, and he told me not to shut the van off until I got home.

He made me keep the cables in case I needed them again and no one had any lol.. so nice!! <3

I thanked him a million times.

I got home.. and turned the van off, tried to start it again and it started.. so I was thinking oh good maybe it WAS just the battery. But no it wasn't.

I went out to start it again later to run to the store, and it started, I came in to get Atreyu's winter stuff on, and it had shut off.. the lights, the radio and the heat were all on but the engine wasn't started.

fml

I don't want to put more money into this POS vehicle.. but we can't get a new vehicle till this summer, Rob's insurance will be a lot less then since he will be 25.

So now I am going to HAVE to drive the truck.

Its standard, and I can barely move the thing.. but I guess I have to try now..

I am a stressful driver when first learning.. I didn't even get my damn license till 2 years ago.

It would be one thing if I didn't have kids in the vehicle with me, but having them there adds to the stress.

I work myself up so bad.

I should just be thankful that I do have SOME experience trying to drive stick, Rob always said "One day the vans gonna break down and your only option will be the truck while I'm not in town"
Screw him for being right lol

I'm glad he made me take the truck out a few times, cause I at least know I can operate it.. yes I will probably stall many many times, but if I NEED to get somewhere I have the option.

As my birthday present Marie (MIL) offered many things, but now that I need to use the truck, it needs new tires VERY badly, and an oil change, so she gave me money for tires, an oil change and to spend the left over money (around $200) on myself.. I swear she is the best MIL ever made.

Tomorrow is my birthday.. gonna be 26.

My friend Sheila is supposed to come have a sleep over, drinks, girl talk, movies 

<3

Sometimes I really like that Rob works out of town, cause yeah I'm a mom all the time, but once the kids are in bed I can still have girl time with my best friend and no guys around :)

Time for some changes

I have been completely off track the past few days.

No excuses, just straight up lazy and feeling sorry for myself.

Not doing that anymore!

Time for change.

I'm just gonna try to make this as quick as possible and just list off some changes I want to make.

• Change up my workout. I can see a difference in my legs from using the bike, but I think that time I spend on the bike could be used more efficiently for a total body workout with either the elliptical or the treadmill. But I do love the bike, so I am going to sit down and make a new workout routine tomorrow and alternate days between machines.
• I would like to start doing meatless Mondays, or meatless Sundays.. although meatless Monday just sounds alot better lol
• I need to start putting money aside for our trip next Easter. I would like to not worry about anything when the time comes to go, so I am going to open another savings account.
• I want to track EVERYDAY, even when I don't do that great.
• No eating past 7 pm
• Get back to drinking my water, I think that has added to my laziness this past week!

I feel like I had more to write.. but I am lacking in the sleep department so I'm sure I'm just forgetting a bunch of stuff.

ummm, yes please

Just for future reference

Do want

March 1st

Dropped Rob off at the airport this morning, was a little late...kinda slept in.. my bad.

I set my cell alarm for 3:45am and when it went off I was so confused I think I literally said to myself "WTF its way to early why is this thing going off" *CLICK* I shut it off... then at 4:15 Rob wakes me up in a total rush.. ooooh shit.. yeah THAT'S why the alarm went off so early.. CAUSE I SET IT .. crap lol.

So we were a half hour behind.. it takes an hour to get to the airport. so no time to make coffee WAHHHH

And it was -38 this morning.. wtf.. I'm sooo glad our van started!!

So I am husbandless again for the next 2 weeks.

I'm kinda happy though, I need to recharge my ME meter.

I had barely gone to the gym all week, did some workouts at home, but I just felt blah and with the cold weather and Rob not being able to work out all week with me.. I kinda used that excuse to not go also.

But no excuse now. I'm heading to the gym after I drop Atreyu at his swimming class.

I had WI yesterday and I wasn't expecting a whole lot.. and I didn't get a whole lot lol

I was down 0.3lbs.. yay!?

Its something, so I am ok with it.. and funny thing is that I needed EXACTLY 0.3lbs to reach my 10%.. so I am happy to say I am at my 10% goal.

Its March 1st and I do my measurements on the first of every month.

So I am officially down 13.5 inches total from January 1st :)

AND I almost fit a size 18 pants.. I can do them up but they are so uncomfortable.. so hopefully next month :)

Its my birthday on Saturday! And I am buying an elliptical machine :) Won't be buying one till the 8th though.. but YAY Can't wait!