Day 9 of 166 days - also Week 2 of Bloggers for Health

Today was WI day for me. I was kinda disappointed. I thought I did so good this week and was expecting to see it on the scale too.

I am down 1.3 lbs this week.

Whatever, its a loss, and maybe next week will be better.

Actually, after a talk with my husband last night, I think I am going to try waiting a month to WI. I always put so much into that damn number that it really can throw me off track if its not what I think it should be every Monday. So Im doing No Weigh In November. I will WI December 1st. And see how I did for this month.

Im hoping to lose at least 15 lbs by Christmas.  So thats also a new goal.

Week 2 of Bloggers for Health

Topic: Personal Workout Plan

Since Rob is home tomorrow (YAY!!!) it will be easier for me to actually stay with a plan. No sick kids will stop me when I have a daddy here to take care of them while I take care of me. :)

So My plan for working out is as follows.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday : at least an hour at the gym! 

Saturday : Do laps at the school field, squats, crunches and weights at home.

Sunday : Swimming with the kids (and Rob when he is home)

That is my PLAN, anything on top of that will be bonus.

Hope you all have a GREAT Halloween :D

Day 8 of 166 days

Thursday I kicked ass in the gym again :) Im feeling really good about all this. I don't know what finally clicked in my head but everything is just easy right now (health wise).

Thursday night I  burned my fingers..*shakes head in shame* I probably shouldn't touch hot metal things, even better don't HOLD hot metal things!! ugh

Friday night the boys, my SIL, her girls and I all went to my gym complex (Servus) for a Halloween Haunt.
There were crafts, games, bouncy castle things, a haunted house and cookie decorating.
It was fun and the kids got in the Halloween spirit. They are so excited for Halloween!
Here are some pictures. Atreyu was a skeleton with an alien mask lol he thought his skeleton mask was not scary enough. And Aiden is the grim reaper minus the scythe for the night.

The girls are Dora, a mermaid and a ladybug.

Saturday morning we got up early despite how tired I was from the night before. And got all our stuff ready , had breakfast and were out of the door by 8:50 to get to Aiden's 9:30 soccer practice. Drove the half hour to get there, went inside, and no one from his team was there..... APPARENTLY there was no practice. FML.

But he for sure has a game today lol.. I double checked!

Its at Servus, so we are gonna go swimming afterwards. And then come home and carve our pumpkins finally. And hopefully I will get in one finally workout tonight after the kids are in bed. I Weigh in tomorrow!! Im actually excited! Weird lol

Day 5 of 166 days

Last night I broke one of my rules and ate after 8pm.. not only did I eat , but I ate badly :(
I didn't go hard and pig out like I know I can, but it was a binge, because I felt bad about it afterwards.
But today I kicked ass!
No more of this felling sorry for myself and then eating more because "I ate bad so I might as well ruin the whole damn day and continue to eat horribly".
Nope. No more acting like that for me!
I went to the gym today and worked harder than I have worked in a long time. I didn't quit until my muscles were literally shaking and I was nauseous.
I felt amazing and sick at the same time lol.
I am definitely gonna be sore tomorrow, hell.. I'm sore already!
But wow, I felt great ALL day.
Im super tired, so I will write more tomorrow :)
Have a good night everyone!

Days 3 & 4 of 166 days

Yesterday was the first time in a while that I had some time to myself!! Aiden had school and Atreyu had a 2 hour play class.

They did a bunch of Halloween crafts and made these Broomstick snacks lol so cute!

So I went for a walk/jog for an hour all alone <3

It was cold out, but I didn't let that stop me.

I needed that me time. 

And I knew if I was at home I would spend it cleaning lol.

Heres a pic of my some scenery from my walk.

I went and picked up a few groceries yesterday as well.

And came across this cereal

First of all it has the best name ever lol.

Second of all look at all the goodness in it!

Not to mention its made in BC Canada.

I didn't end up buying it because it was like $10 for a small pack, but I took a couple pictures and then once I got home I read the label closer and you don't actually use much of it.

I would probably add it to yogurt or something.

So it probably lasts quite a while. 

I think I will pick some up next time Im there (Save-On-Foods btw)

and I will be sure to make a review post for it.

Im heading to the gym shortly. It's been a while since I was there! So Im looking forward to it.

My 5 Ways To Live Healthier (according to me)

I know this is a second post in the past hour or so lol but I felt this needed its own post.

So I've joined a new group. Called Bloggers for Health.
You can go join as well over HERE


For week 1 we are supposed to write out our 
"5 Ways To Live Healthier".
I kinda did that in my post yesterday so this goes perfectly with me right now.


1. Stay positive! 
As soon as I start feeling myself slip into that dark place I need to remind myself what I am doing this for and get happy.
I deal with a lot in my life, but thats no reason to treat my body like a trash can. Get happy, and everything else will fall into place.


2. Plan ahead! 
I really need to stick to this more, because when I do, I do great. When I don't plan it's a lot easier to eat bad things and take the easy way out and become lazy.
If I just plan my meals and my day the night before and follow through with it, then I will do awesome.


3. Be prepared for the unexpected. 
Wether its a sick child or 2 making it so you can't go to the gym, or you don't lose this week even though you worked your butt off all week. Life has a way of throwing everything off track, and making you feel like you are not in control. But you ARE! 
So the kids are sick? Do a workout video at home. 
You don't have any workout videos? Well you have the internet! I know this, because you're reading my blog!!  Youtube is your friend!!
If you prepare yourself for things to  sometimes not go as expected, life will be much easier.


4. Have support. 
Tell someone you are trying to live a healthier life and share your journey with them. I can't tell you how often I have "given up" or was only holding on by a thread, and the fact that I have a lot of supporters in my life has kept me going, and made me try again.


5. Eat Clean.
Im not an expert on this, and I am so used to eating processed foods. But lately I have been buying organic foods as much as I can. Its expensive, and sometimes I just can't afford to buy EVERYTHING organic, but its a step in the right direction. And my body loves me for it! Eat whole wheat if you are eating pasta and bread. I also ALWAYS eat my veggies first at lunch and dinner.
Not to mention drinking water with your meals and eating slower. You will fill up faster.

Meatless Monday (also day 3 of 166 days)

So its Meatless Monday again, and I have my meals planned out for the day.
Breakfast was toast, egg whites and a banana. Lunch will be salad and soup. And we will be having these for dinner.

It's also WI day for me, and even though I have only been on track for about 3 good days. I am super pleased to say I am down 3.4lbs this week! Wtf right!? Oh well Im not gonna question it lol
Yay :D It totally put me in the right mood this morning.

Things aren't going as planned for working out today.. Atreyu was supposed to have swimming this morning and I was gonna go for a jog while he was there. But he is at home :( He still has a cough and a runny nose and wasn't feeling up to swimming...
Will these kids EVER get better!?

Aiden went to school. But it was a rough morning with his anxiety...*big sigh*
He is at school though and no one has called me to come get him or talk to him, so thats good...
I have major anxiety over his anxiety go figure.. I can literally feel my body tense up in the mornings or when Rob is gone and I am trying to take him to soccer.
He seems to do a lot better when Rob is home.
And Aiden's counsellor told us that Rob being away from home so much does add to his anxiety. But there is nothing we can do about that.
I feel anxious all day waiting for a phone call from the school telling me Aiden is "sick".
I want to make him feel better. I just don't know how.
He was doing so well going to school on his own, and having no issues for a couple weeks.
Im not sure what triggered it this time.
Probably cause he was sick and missed half a day.
I knew that was going to be an issue.
But when he is sick what am I supposed to do!?

*Takes a very deep breath*

Anyways, lets move on before I have a panic attack.

I feel like most (if not all) of my posts lately have been whiney or just flat out sad. And I apologize for that. I just needed to get all of that stuff out of my head for a few minutes. And I think it is really helping me to stay on track this past week.

Im staying strong though. Im committed to this healthier lifestyle now.
No amount of stress will be an obstacle for me.
I have fought my way through a lot in life and I will conquer this too!

Day 2 of 166 days

Sometimes I feel like Im going crazy.
I feel like I clean constantly and all I have to do it turn around and its a mess again. So I get in these moods where I just give up for a few days. I hate that!
I don't have enough space in my house to feel like everything isn't on top of me, including the kids.
They have both been sick so I am limited to what I can do and when I can do it and I feel like Im sinking.
I need to get back to the gym! And I haven't been able to because of one or both of them being sick. It's frustrating and I have this motivation right now, I just don't want it to slip away!
*rips hair out*
Im doing good the past couple days with staying on track though.. and that is the only thing keeping my head above water right now.
Aiden goes back to school tomorrow (THANK GOD) seriously, what is it about weekends that make kids feel like they *said in a really whiney voice* "have nothing to dooooooo"?
 I can play board games and get the kids out to the park, do crafts, watch a movie and the second I try to have a few moments to myself  they are "so bored" *also said in whiney voice*.

I wish I had help with them. I have no family around who is willing to take them for a few hours so I can  just do whatever, or so that when Rob is home we can do things TOGETHER without kids. Ugh!

*End Rant*

But seriously, I needed to get that out lol.
Im gonna do my new video tonight (finally). It's the Biggest Loser power walk, it has high energy walking workouts. I have never done a walking workout before. But I figure it wouldn't hurt to throw that into the mix of workouts too. I might also do the 30 day shred tonight. I just have so much stress I need to get out of me! And night time is the worst time for me food wise, so once the kids are in bed I will work out.

I know October is almost over.. but I'm just now getting serious, so I am making a list of goals for the rest of the month.

Goals for October:

1. No eating after 8pm.
2. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.
3. Get to the gym and workout for at least 60 minutes everyday during the week. And workout at home at least 30 minutes each day on the weekend.
4. Keep on top of the cleaning and laundry so it doesn't feel like such a burden when I finally get around to it.

Here we go again. Day 1 0f 166 days.

Yesterday my sister asked me to be her Maid of Honour :)
I am super happy to have been asked, but it will definitely be a lot of work!
She lives In Yellowknife, I live near Edmonton, and the wedding will probably be in Saskatoon (or that area).
Luckily we have a lot of time to plan since the wedding isn't until July 20th 2013. Which gives me plenty of time to lose more weight as well.
It would be sooner but our brothers wedding is this coming April.. Im a bridesmaid *cringes at the thought of wearing a dress at this weight* :(
Seriously, I had so long to get down to where I wanted to be for the wedding.
Its depressing to think ONCE AGAIN, I had so much time and wanted it so bad, but apparently wasn't willing to put in the effort to get me there.
Im just so sick of not over coming this. Im done with that side of me.
This moment is mine, and every other moment.. I just have to keep making the right decisions, and work hard and nothing will stop me.
I have 166 days or 23 weeks 5 days until we go to the Dominican for Adam's wedding.
Thats still a lot of time! If I give my all from this day forward I will be in a very good place in 166 days, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. If I can prove to myself that I worked hard and stuck to it, it won't really matter if I'm at a "goal number" by then. And no one else will care if my legs are a little fat in the dress, they will all know how hard I worked too and be proud of me.

So lets see how far I can go in 166 days! Im excited!

Letting go

Yesterday started off great, until I got some news that threw me off track part way through the day.
As some of you know, I went to court for stuff that happened when I was younger this past year.
He was found guilty, but appealed it, so we are still waiting for sentencing which is now apparently not happening until April 17th 2012. He has been out free, even though he was found guilty.. until the sentencing date. But from what I was told he had to stay in the town he was living in.
Well yesterday I found out that his lawyer brought forward an appeal this week to a condition change.
Our side tried to fight it obviously, but the judge decided it was ok. He is allowed  to move to Edmonton...
I live just outside of Edmonton, one of the other girls involved lives on the other side of Edmonton.
How the fuck, does the court allow him to move here!?
Not only does he get to have a year of freedom before sentencing. but now he can just move where  ever the hell he feels? Apparently he is moving for a job opportunity.. and to be closer to his lawyer.
If I didn't feel stressed and worried enough already just because we brought forward what he did and probably pissed him off. Im like 12871528358x more worried now.
I have kids, and this man is going to live near us, near my friends and their kids. And what if I see him, what if I run into him at some point. Then what!?
My first thought after hearing this was that I have to move. Leave town.
What a way to live..
Not only does his actions from the past affect my life, and have for my whole life. but now I have this added worry that he is near my children.
Thank GOD that I don't have girls, because he only did what he did to little girls. But if someone is screwed up enough that they can do this at all, Im sure they can be more screwed up than we know.

He could be here tomorrow, he could be here today for all I know.
yesterday Aiden was out playing with his friends and was late checking in.. I would worry anyways, but it was a lot worse for me now knowing who IS out there.
Of course there are sexual predators everywhere, and I am very good about teaching my kids to be aware of whats going on around them. But this one has a connection to me. And I'm sure I didn't make his life any easier after taking him to court and making this public knowledge.
I don't want to be worried all the time.
Part of me wants to show the kids his picture and let them know that he is a bad guy. But my son already has anxiety issues,  I can't do this to him. I want him to be extra careful but I can't tell him to be. It wouldn't be fair to him to have this extra worry also.
I kinda wish I never knew this news so I could feel the same way.

Anyways, I finally got to talk to Rob this morning. And he put my mind at ease a bit. I almost didn't want to tell him yesterday because he's so far away and can't be here with me to make me feel safe. And I know that thats hard for him, but I needed to talk to him about it.
So our talk this morning was better, he had time to process this and give me words of encouragement.
He made me realize that Randy is an old man now, he hurt little girls, not grown women or little boys.
And if he really wanted revenge or anything of the sort he could have easily come here before now and gotten it. If he  can make us leave town and move our lives around just because he exists then he wins.
And he doesn't get to win anymore.

Im going to use this to strengthen myself.
If I can overcome all that I have in my life, then I can overcome this, and weight loss.
I need to let go of my worry and the weight.
Maybe its all tied into each other.
I have to fix myself from the inside first in order to fix the outside, and I promise, this time Im doing it.
I always say "He didn't give me the chance to become who I could have become had he not done this to me" But Im not giving him that power anymore. He doesn't have the power to give me a choice. I do.
And I choose to be better than what he did to me.

To begin, begin.

 I was out of town for a few days last week and then came home and got lazy and sick. The youngest and I are so far the only ones who are sick all day. Aiden ended up coming home from school yesterday cause he threw up.. but after his tummy settled he was fine, and is back to school today.

But Atreyu has a pretty nasty cough, poor guy.

I don't know what my issue is as to why I gave up again.

Its really hard when my husband is home and our routine gets thrown off, we tend to go out a lot more and therefore eat out a lot more because its convenient.

Im making a rule now though, that we can only eat out once and order in once while he is home from now on. I don't eat out or order in while he is gone so I think this will be ok. And it will save money!!

Im not feeling 100% today, I'm doped up on meds to suppress my sinus cold. So if I am feeling up to it tonight I will do the new workout video I bought.

But for now Im just trying to get my house cleaned since I have been slacking off due to being sick.

I don't feel very motivated, and I don't know why.

I really miss my husband. Him working away from home for so long has taken a toll on me. I feel alone a lot, and I get used to that, and then he comes home and I need to get used to that too. I love him so much, and he is amazing to me, and does so much for us. I just feel like if I didn't have him and the kids, I may just give up on myself all together somedays.

Im just so sick of failing at this weight loss thing. I can't get to the bottom of why I do this to myself, and because Im alone so often its easy to lie to myself.

I don't want to do that anymore.

I want to do this for me, to make myself happier, to make myself proud.

I feel like I just need to start and take it slow, and not set myself up and expect too much (which is what I usually do). Just do what I can for now, and accept all the help I can get.

I would like to go out for a walk, or take the kids to the park tonight and do the jogging thing again. But with a sick child its not an option.

So like I said maybe just start tonight with some crunches and a workout video.
I also need to make a plan, write myself a letter or make a video about how I feel today (like complete crap) and where I want to be. Make a plan that I stick to daily, fully commit. Stop giving up on myself. Stop abusing myself with food and hatred. And realize that I am worth so much more.
Just change.

As I have said many times before, thank you to all of you who continue to support me in this loooong journey..

Day 8-15

I have been wanting to write in here. I always get thrown off schedule when my husband gets home. Things have settled down now though. Im up an hour before everyone else so that I can write here and enjoy coffee alone lol.

I have been doing really good food wise.Looking back I'm sure I could have gone without the night time snack here and there, or at least picked something a little more healthy, but over all Im happy with how I have been doing.
My husband and I took the kids to the park a couple nights ago and we ran laps around the field.
When I say WE ran it was more like HE ran and I died and cursed out the world!! OMG, I am in such bad shape, I can't breathe, I felt like my shins were gonna snap in half, and I was sooo angry. He had to take the brunt of it, poor guy!
He was just giving me pointers and helping and trying to motivate me and I was getting mad.. I finally got so mad I was crying. I apologized and said I was just mad at myself for letting me get this way. It was embarrassing. And I felt like I let him down. He is in such good shape, and comes back from work every time looking better than the last time I saw him. And I just keep looking this way. And here I am in the field trying to run with him and I can't even talk Im so out of breath.

But you know what? I kept going. I need to change this! I can sit here feeling sorry for myself and have nothing change. Or I can go out there and work my ass off, literally!
I choose to succeed!
It is all in MY hands, I make that choice!
This is one thing no one can take away from me, or do for me.

I am soo thankful that my husband loves me as much as he does, because I would have left if he treated me the way I did out there.
So last night I went out by myself and ran/jogged/. I did laps in the dark in the field. And I did better than the day before. My shins felt worse mind you, but I knew it was in my head more than anything. Because 3 minutes after I stop it won't hurt anymore. So why not just push a little farther!?
So I did.
That is until a weird guy talking to himself popped out in the field... I ran home.
So maybe I should go when its a little lighter out from now on lol

Going to be very busy this weekend. Aiden's party is tomorrow, and only 2 parents have called to RSVP... ugh, I have a feeling more will show up but ffs an RSVP would have been nice!
oh and since we are talking about Aiden already, he has been going to school again on his own, hope this sticks *crosses fingers*. He also got 100% on his social studies test yesterday :D He is such a good kid! I hope he loves his party!

And then Sunday morning I am heading to YK to surprise my sister at her baby shower :D Im so excited! I will be there until Wednesday afternoon. So I think I am going to just do my weekly WI on Sunday morning before I leave. And I can post small updates from my phone. Im also on MFP and my name is AylaBean if any of you want to add me on there.

Hope my fellow Canadians have a great Thanksgiving!

Give yourself the best gift update: Week 2

Lets see how I did this week..


1. If the kids ask to go for a walk or to the park, I won't say no (unless they are grounded lol). If I'm lazy and Rob wants to go to the gym with me, I will always go!
I have definitely done this this past week. Although we have been busy so they haven't asked to do a lot lol

2. I will get some form of activity in every day (biking, swimming, walking, going to the gym).
Could definitely have done better. Like I said, was super busy this week. but looking back I think I could have made the time to at least work out at home at night or early morning. If I want this bad enough I have to make time and work for it!

3. I will ALWAYS push myself, even if its only a couple extra seconds of a workout, I will strive to be better every time I do something.
Did it! I pushed myself at the gym the couple days I did go this week. And I have just been trying to be a better role model all around.

4. I will blog more!!
Yep.

5. I will drink my 8 or more glasses of water a day, and stay away from diet pops.
I have been drinking more water, although somedays I still don't get enough. And I don't drink pop ever, unless its in a mix with my rum.. and I don't drink very much, so aside from that, yes I have stayed away.

6.  Stay within my calories.
Had a "cheat" day, but planned for that since it was my sons 8th bday. I did have a bad day this week on top of that though. And didn't track a couple days.. could have done MUCH better!! New week, fresh start!

7.  I will make conscious choices about the foods that go into my body, I will feed it to fuel it.
Will work harder this week for this!!




So today was WI day.. I wasn't feeling like I did very great this week. and I knew it would show on the scale. I didn't lose anything this week.
I have a lot of motivation in me for this week though. No more excuses!
And my husband comes home tomorrow, and we promised to keep each other on top of things and help each other. And when he is in the health mode WITH me, it is amazing what we can do together :D