Life as a Fat Girl: Oh, what a day!

I wish I could say it was a good day, and I guess in some ways it was, but food wise.. not so much.

I didn't eat breakfast.. I am horrible for this, and I realized its because I snack at night.. I seriously use up most of my calorie intake once the boys are in bed. I do great with eating good foods during the day, but once its bedtime for the kids, I eat, eat, eat!

I am an emotional eater, so when Im lonely, sad, anxious.. I eat.

I am lonely most of the time, my husband works out of town at a diamond mine, so he is gone half the time ( 2 weeks gone, 2 weeks home).

Its weird though because I enjoy my ME time once the boys go to bed, and I also enjoy my time away from Rob in a way, so why is this when I eat!? I always blame it on emotions, and I know my emotional attachment to food, is not healthy, but I definitely need to start making sure I ate a good sized meal at breakfast. Of course I never eat breakfast, I'm still full from all the crap I ate the night before. That changes tonight. I know I already ruined my day with what I ate, but I need to change my thinking. Where I would normally say **"Well, I ate one piece of candy, I may as well eat the rest", I am now going to tell myself that it's ok, I am human and I will make mistakes, but I don't need to keep the habit going.

Slowly but surely I am getting stronger.

**This blog made me realize that

I had my weigh in this morning. I am down 3 lbs this week. I guess the working out and trying to be more active is making a difference! Who knew!? lol

I talked to Rob on the phone tonight, and was telling him about how I started the 30 day shred video last night.. and I mentioned how its 20 minutes long, and in the middle of my next sentence, he says "20 minutes is not enough!" .... uhhhh.. way to beat me down jackass. I got upset and he tried to explain that he didn't mean it the way I took it, he just meant that I should be working out longer, not that 20 minutes wasn't good. I know he didn't mean to hurt my feelings, and he apologized after he realized what he said hurt me. But I then said "You know what, 20 minutes might not be good enough for YOU, but its something, and its 100% improvement to what I was doing a week ago!"

I know 20 is not much, but I'm nearly 300lbs... 20 minutes is hard on me, and it won't stay at 20 minutes.

When we get our gym membership on Friday I will be working out longer. But I hate that I now feel like my efforts so far are not up to par. And I know he didn't mean to hurt me like this, and I know he is proud of me for what I am doing.. so why do I let words hurt me so bad? Especially when I know Im taking it the wrong way.

Ugh Whatever.

That 20 minutes made me feel great.

Screw everyone else lol

Aiden had his first day back to school today after Christmas break, so far so good :)

I was feeling kinda upset about my convo with Rob still so I took some pics on the webcam.. I felt pretty!