Day 45 of 166 days

So only 4 months until my Dominican trip.... yikes.

I had such a great WI last week, it should have motivated me to stay on top of things, and in a way it did. But I have kinda lost it the past few days. I have been over eating and eating things that aren't good for me.

I feel like complete crap about it, physically I feel like crap, but it keeps spiralling out of control.

wtf!? 

I stepped on the scale (which I wasn't going to do for another 2 weeks) because I KNEW I gained some of what I lost back. I did... I needed to see it, cause today Im feeling like Im on top of it again. 

Im not proud of myself for how out of control I got. But I am proud that it only last a little while. Soon enough I won't have these issues. 

Allowing myself to eat pizza one day won't mean I have to over eat, and if I do over eat it won't mean I have to keep going. I thought I was past that, Apparently I am not.

I feel like a freaking drug addict who just got out of rehab.  

I need to get my ass in gear today, get back to my Ripped in 30. 

Week 2 is brutal.. I'm scared for the next 2 weeks after this lol !!

But I really need to be who I was last week and just fucking do it. Nothing is stopping me except myself.

So Im going from this...

to this...

seriously.. 

I also have my period, a week early!? fuck.

I don't know what I should do pill wise now. I guess I keep taking it the same as I would. and then next week when I am supposed to have it, it won't come? or will it be like 2 weeks long!? cause my cramps are killing me this time. Which hasn't happened in a LONG time.

It works out great that I got it this week (as long as I don't ALSO have it next week lol) because Rob is home next week, and how annoying would that be to have it after he's been gone for 3 weeks.. I might actually die lol.

So he leaves camp Tuesday.. and I thought he would be over nighting in Vancouver, like he did on his way there. But apparently they fly him from Van to Edmonton, but on the red eye! So I will be packing the kids in the car at like 2 am Wednesday to go pick him up... they will sleep in the car, but its still disruptive, and will for sure throw off their days. Rob offered to just crash at the hotel near the airport.. but seriously!? You have been away for 3 weeks, I want to see you. Not to mention it seems kinda wasteful to spend money on a hotel AN HOUR AWAY lol.

Yesterday Atreyu had a Christmas baking class, it was fun, we go every year.

I also went for lunch with a friend yesterday. Actually it was Robs ex...... lolol. It was his only other "serious" relationship aside from ours. They were together a couple years. But to be fair that was like nearly 10 years ago.... so I think we are ok lol. Not to mention she has 3 kids and has been with her guy as long as Rob and i have been together.

I also met her while she was dating Rob, which is the first time I also met Rob lol

She is super nice though, I had fun. We have been talking online for years, but never actually hung out.

I better go finish getting the kids ready for their days and once Atreyu goes to his play class I will work out... because,

True story bro.