Fresh Start.

Its been a couple days of being completely on track. Haven't brought working out back into the mix just yet, but I have been so busy with Aiden's soccer tournament all weekend, and the new kitties and my kids and everything else. But I'm feeling good after a couple long chats with my aunt, who I can definitely call my best friend. I don't know what I would do with out you Linda.

Sometimes I feel like I have been forgotten by everyone, and you always know when something is wrong, even if you are 555 kms away <3

So my second last post which was a month or so ago, I mentioned that we were getting a kitty, well, we got 2 lol

We were told the second one was his sister, but after I took them home and we noticed they had what looked like the same parts.. and then we took them to the vet for their first shots they assured me that yes, they are both boys.

Im destined to be the only female in this household lol

We had named my original choice of kitty Poe and named the "girl" Flora, but once we found out he was a boy we changed his name to Fender.

Here they are.

Poe is the grey one and Fender is the brown one

Aren't they the cutest!!??

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Anyways I could go on about my fur babies for ever! So I should stop myself now lol

Aiden had a soccer tournament this past weekend and his team got silver <3 

The gold medal game was soo intense. it ended up being tied 5-5 so they had a shoot out, SEVEN shots into the shoot out the other team finally won.

Other than winning, it couldn't have been a better ending.

Aiden loved it, he wants to join the same league but outdoor. Good thing about that is they base it on location so he will end up with lots of the same boys and possibly even the same coaches.

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Im not setting any goals for myself weight loss wise right now, Im focusing on taking it one day at a time, and celebrating it as that. After each day that I do good, eat healthy, drink my water, don't let everything get me down, etc. I will be proud of what I accomplished.

All the small things add up to be big at some point.

I need to not lose sight of that.

I have been struggling with some depression, Im pretty pro at hiding it, but its there.

Im not even sure why.. no thats a lie, I do know why its there.

Im not happy.

Im not happy with how I treat myself.

Im not happy with the fact that my husband is away so much, which means I am alone so much.

Im not happy with the fact that I feel ignored by certain friends.

Im not happy that my mom is still struggling with cancer shit.

Im not happy that I did all that court stuff and my abuser was found guilty months ago and has yet to see a day in jail since then. And in April when he goes back to court with his new fancy lawyer probably will get less than 2 years which means he won't actually have to go to a prison, he will spend it in a jail.

And we are left with a life sentence.

I feel like it just never ends with that. I think once its over, no matter what the outcome, at least its over.

He can get the fuck out of my head.

I sound like a whiney bitch right now, I'm aware of it, but if I can't vent here, where can I?

Im not always upset, or anxious, or depressed. I do have a lot in my life to be thankful for, and I do know what I can handle a lot.

But I also know when its getting out of my control.

I feel like some days its just too much for me. And this whole eating junk and not working out thing, being stuck in the house, and not socializing is not helping me.

So I am trying to put myself out there more.

Robs job is not going to change anytime soon. At least not until I can get out in the work force full time.

So I went on facebook and looked up groups in my town. 

And to my excitement found a mommy group. And one lady is hosting a "Moms who  need wine night" lol love it! 

Its this Saturday, and she also has 2 teenage children (a boy and a girl) who are going to babysit so the moms can socialize over a glass of wine and some yummy food.

This is EXACTLY what I need.

I have been looking for ways to meet new moms to befriend. 

I need some friends close by who I can go for coffees with, take the kids to the park with and just feel like I have someone close by that I can hang out with.

Not to mention its also a possibility for me to finally meet and for the kids to meet a babysitter!!! 

So my husband and I can act like we are in a relationship once in a while and go on a date!

Im nervous, but it will be worth it lol